Watching Movies
by Light-Eco-Sage
Summary: Uh... Jak, Co., and I watch rather famous movies. Ever wonder how the Jak cast would react to movies like "Shawshank Redemption" or "The Titanic" and others? Here's your chance to find out!
1. The Shawshank Redemption

**Watching Movies**

**By Light-Eco-Sage**

****

**Rated: PG-13 for implied rape, language, and some mature humor.**

**Summery: Weird story of Jak, Ashley (Me), and some of the Jak gang watching movies. I was on a sugar-high when I thought this up. SUGAR MAKES YOU CRAZY!!!!!! MUGHAHAHAHA!! Much Erol bashing.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Jak and Daxter, they belong to Naughty Dog. (Bless them!) I don't own any of the movies that are discussed though the coarse of this fic. I own myself though.**

**LES: Note that any time I make fun of a movie or a person, it is all in fun. This fic is not meant to be taken seriously. The opinions may not be my real opinions. Do not, I repeat, Do not take this fic seriously! Thank you.**

**Chapter I: The Shawshank Redemption**

ASHLEY: It's almost Halloween time, and I'm on a scary movie thing. And Steven King is THE Master of Horror; so, I'm, like watching the 'Shawshank Redemption...'

JAK: ::sobbing::

ASHLEY: Shawshank Redemption is a Steven King movie. Did you know that, Jak? 'Cause I sure the hell didn't.

JAK: Oh, Gods, that is, like, so freakin' sad!!

ASHLEY: What the heck? Jak, are you crying?

DAXTER: Oh my Gods! Jak's crying! Someone call Guinness Book of World Records!... I was joking, Ashley!

ASHLEY: ::puts down phone:: Damn! Let's talk about the movie...

DAXTER: Uh, Jak's still crying...

ASHLEY: ::looks at Jak:: Jeez, Jak, stop crying! You're freakin' me out!

KERIA: ::walks in:: Hey, guys, what are you doing? ::looks at the TV:: Hey, isn't that 'The Shawshank Redemption?'

ASHLEY: Yeah, but right now, Jak is creeping us out with his crying...

KERIA: But, Shawshank is a sad movie. Every time I watch it, I cry when those prison dudes rape Andy...

JAK: ::starts to sob harder then ever::

DAXTER: Ok, that's starting to get on my nerves! Stop it! Stop crying!

JAK: But I totally understand what Andy went though! That stuff really happens in prison!

DAXTER: What? Crying?

JAK: Rape!

KERIA: Oh my Gods!

ASHLEY: Kinda makes you wish you could do your guard's tax returns, doesn't it?

JAK: And I was totally innocent! I didn't deserve any of it!

ASHLEY: Jak, Jak, Jak, don't you know that everyone in prison is innocent?

DAXTER: Oh, oh, I know this one! 'What's you do?' 'Me? Lawyer F###ed me.'

ASHLEY: Daxter! I will not have you using the 'F'-word in my house!

DAXTER: What? I'm just repeating the line! That's what they say!

ASHLEY: I know. Just censor yourself, like this: 'Me? Lawyer (beep)-ed me."

DAXTER: Hey, Ashley! (beep)!... What the heck? (beep)! Hey! I can't say it!

ASHLEY: I'm the author, so what I say goes!

DAXTER: I hate you...

ASHLEY: Hate is such a strong word.

DAXTER: I strongly dislike you.

ASHLEY: That's better!

JAK/KERIA: O.o

ASHLEY: Jak, consider yourself lucky. You spent only two years in prison before Daxter busted you out. Andy spent 20 years in prison. He had to dig a hole in the wall, then crawl though 500 yards of I don't want to know what!

JAK: Andy didn't get tortured...

ASHLEY: Andy got raped...

DAXTER: Yeah, and by the sounds of it, so did Jak...

KERIA: ::slaps Daxter:: Shut up, Daxter, you stupid, idiotic, good-for-nothing...

ASHLEY: Ok, maybe I should put in a new movie... yeah...


	2. The Titanic

**Chapter II: The Titanic**

ASHLEY: After the creepy turnout of the Shawshank Redemption, I've decided not to do movies where the main character gets raped. So, I chose the Emmy award winning movie, 'The Titanic.' The tragic story of two lovers aboard the R.M.S. Titanic the night it sunk.

DAXTER: And Rose and Jack...

JAK: What?

DAXTER: Jack! J-A-C-K!

JAK: Oh...

DAXTER: Anyway, Rose and Jack get it on in that car...

ASHLEY: Wow, it took you four hours to figure that out?

KERIA: Leo is sooo hot!

JAK: What? What about me?

KERIA: Of coarse you're hot, Jak. But Leo is famous!

JAK: So am I! Look! ::pulls back Ashley's curtains to reveal a mob of Jak Fan Girls::

FAN GIRLS: JAKKKK!!! WE LOVE YOU!!!!!

FAN GIRL IN BACK: MARRY ME, JAK!!!

ANOTHER FAN GIRL: SIGN MY CHEST, JAK!!!

EROL: I LOVE YOU TOO, JAK!!!

JAK: ACK! Erol? What are you doing here? You're dead!

EROL: ::singing:: "Cause there ain't no mountain high enough!

There ain't no valley low enough!

There ain't no river wide enough!

To keep me from getting to you, bab-ay!"

::stops singing:: Oh, Jak! Death itself couldn't keep me from you! I even got the help of this red dude with horns, a tail, and a pitchfork! All I had to do was give him my bowl. Personally, I think he got the short end of the stick...

DAXTER: 'Bowl?'

EROL: Yeah, here's the contract! ::holds contract to the glass::

JAK: That says 'soul,' you idiot!

EROL: Really? That doesn't matter! Take me!

JAK: No thanks, I'm straight as a line...

EROL: ::mad:: You B####! Didn't our time in prison mean anything to you?

JAK: No. ::shoots Erol::

ASHLEY: Okay... back to the movie. What was everyone's favorite part?

JAK: The end...

DAXTER: What? You didn't like the steamy love scene?

JAK: The creepy old lady died...

DAXTER: The love scene!

KERIA: The 'I'm Flying!' part! Come on, Jak! Reenact it with me!

JAK: Uh... Okay... ::Holds Keria up, like Jack did to Rose in the movie::

KERIA: Jak! I'm flying!

JAK: No, she said 'Jack! I'm flying!'

KERIA: Didn't I just say that?

JAK: No, you didn't. You said 'Jak.' My name is Jak. His name is Jack.

KERIA: Wait a minute. Are we talking about you or Jack?

JAK: We're talking about Jack.

KERIA: Which Jack? Jak or Jack?

ASHLEY: I am totally confused...

(A/N: Read the last part out loud. You will see why it is so funny.)

DAXTER: You can say that again!

ASHLEY: Uh, anyway, I like the part at the end when Jack dies...

JAK: I'm not dead!

ASHLEY: No! J-A-C-K dies!

KERIA: Why?

ASHLEY: Cause he gave up trying to get up on that floaty thing after only one time! I think if I were freezing out in the middle of the ocean like that, I would have found a way to get up on that stupid floaty thing!

DAXTER: You've got a point there...

KERIA: Anything else?

DAXTER: Oh, that creepy old lady threw that blue diamond thingy in the ocean in the end! She could've sold that thing on E-Bay!

ASHLEY: Since when do you know about E-Bay? That's an Earth thing!

DAXTER: Your sister showed me. I got this really cool thing. I don't know what it does though...

ASHLEY: Where'd you get the money?

DAXTER: Your sister had me empty your bank account. But I got this... ::pulls out an ordinary toaster::

ASHLEY: WHAT!?!?!

KERIA: Uh, can we put in another movie, please?


	3. Brave Heart

**Chapter III: Brave Heart

* * *

**

ASHLEY: Okay, fun's over. Time to be serious…

EVERYONE: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

DAXTER: That's a great joke!

JAK: You're on a freakin' sugar high! You can't be serious!

ASHLEY: Okay, how's this for serious? This movie has torture, attempted rape, and bloody battle scenes!

KEIRA: ::shivers:: That torture was creepy…

ASHLEY: Hey, Jak? What hurts worse? Having Dark Eco torture or having your intestines ripped out?

JAK: I don't know. I've never had my intestines ripped out.

DAXTER: Let's experiment!!!

JAK: O.o No thanks.

DAXTER: You're such a party-pooper…

EVERYONE: O.o

JAK: We can find Erol and experiment on him…

EVERYONE: OK!!!!

* * *

(While later)

JAK: Wow! He screamed a lot!

ASHLEY: So, what's the answer to my question?

JAK: Don't know. You killed him before we could try him out on the Machine. You were supposed to stop BEFORE you rip out all of his organs!!!

ASHLEY: Oppsie…

JAK: How in the name of the Precursors did you manage to pull his BRAIN out of his STOMACH?

ASHLEY: Maybe he let his stomach do the thinking?

EVERYONE: O.o

KEIRA: The movie…

DAXTER: The Prince was GAY!

ASHLEY: Like Erol…

JAK: Can we please not talk about being gay…

DAXTER: That was funny when the Prince made his boyfriend his advisor, and then the King threw him out the window and the Prince was all like 'NOOOO!!!' And then he tried to kill his own father!!!

ASHLEY: ::singsong:: The Prince was gay! And so was Erol!

JAK: ::shouting:: SHUT THE HELL UP!!!!!!!!!!

ASHLEY: Jeez, okay!

JAK: I didn't get the whole thing with the women though… Why did that dude what to marry that dudette in secret?

DAXTER: Dudette?

ASHLEY: What? Didn't you get that?

JAK: No.

ASHLEY: Okay, I'll put it in a context that you'll understand. Say that you and Keira decide to get married…

JAK/KEIRA: ::blush::

ASHLEY: But some dude made a law that says that anyone would have bed rights to Keira on the wedding night…

KEIRA: ::gasp::

JAK: I'd go Dark Jak and kill them.

ASHLEY: Yes, but these people can't go Dark like you can. So they'd just have to give in…

KEIRA: That's awful…

ASHLEY: And that dude didn't want to share his woman with another man, so he married her in secret. You see now?

JAK: Yeah, but I'd still kill anyone who tries ANYTHING with Keira! You'll die! DIE!!! MUGHAHAHAHAHAHA!

DAXTER: Watch out! Jak's gone psycho!!!

ASHLEY: Just don't go Dark Jak on us.

DARK JAK: Too late.

EVERYONE: AUGHH!! ::runs away::

DARK JAK: Hi! I'd just like to say that the battle scenes were the best! BLOOD AND GORE RULES!!! ::changes back::

JAK: Hey! Where is everybody? ::silence:: Haha! ::singing::

"The Chicken goes 'cluck cluck.'

The cow goes 'moo'

The piggy goes 'oink oink'

How 'bout you?

Gonna be an animal just like you!"

::stops singing::

EVERYONE: ::comes back:: Okay, we're back!

DAXTER: What the heck were you singing?

JAK: The song from 'Kung Pow.' Let's watch that one next!

EVERYONE: Okay!!!!

* * *

**LES: That song was funny…**


End file.
